Welcome to the Sea Princess Resort, a geographical anomaly where the sun always hits your good side and the calories in a Piña Colada officially don’t count because you’re at sea level. We are located on a stretch of coastline so blindingly beautiful that your retinas will need a moment to adjust to the fact that “beige” is no longer a dominant color in your life. If you’ve spent the last year talking to a computer screen named “Zoom,” it’s time to trade your blue-light glasses for some overpriced aviators.

The moment you cross our threshold, our goal is to induce Coastal Bliss through a process we call “The Great Unburdening.” This starts with a chilled hibiscus tea that tastes like a liquid hug and ends with a concierge whisking away your luggage—and hopefully your memory of that quarterly tax filing.

Our lobby features vaulted ceilings designed to echo your sighs of relief. We’ve also strategically placed “ambient water features” everywhere, which is a fancy way of saying there are tiny waterfalls that make you feel like you’re in a rainforest, even if you’re just trying to find the elevator.

Our guest rooms are not mere “rooms”; they are “Sanctuaries of Slumber.” Each bed is approximately the size of a small European principality and is layered with sheets so soft they were likely woven by angels with a very high thread-count obsession.

The balcony offers a view of the ocean that is so perfect it feels like a high-definition screensaver. We encourage you to stand there in your complimentary bathrobe—which is thick enough to survive a blizzard—and stare into the horizon while pretending you are the protagonist of a prestigious streaming drama. Just try not to drop your phone into the hibiscus bushes while taking a selfie; our gardening team is tired of “fishing for iPhones.”

Our private beach is where the Coastal Bliss truly hits the fan. The sand is so fine it has the consistency of powdered sugar, which is lovely until you realize it has found its way into every crevice of your person and will likely be following you home in your suitcase as a permanent souvenir.

Activities include “Competitive Napping,” where guests vie for the quietest spot under a palm tree, and “Advanced Hydration,” which involves signaling a waiter every time your drink level drops below the “emergency” line. For seaprincessresort the over-achievers, we offer snorkeling. This is a delightful activity where you float face-down in the water, looking at rocks and occasionally a very confused fish, while your backside gets a world-class sunburn. It’s the circle of life, really.